Insane Coin Offerings: Food Token Frenzy

This article is the second in a series about the most absurd Initial Coin Offerings. Read the first article here.

A viral potato salad campaign placed crowdfunded food onto the already-absurd scene of modernity after collecting over $50,000, and crowdfunded food projects are not going away. They're going cryptographic.

Hungry for a share of the 2010's crypto-alchemy, many hustlers and copycats have launched coins and tokens for an incredible array of food and beverages. This article explores the wonkiest of these magic internet food-monies.

The token FoodCoin, ostensibly named by an unparalleled group of creatives, is priced against any and all agricultural products, according to their explanatory video, unlike free-floating cryptocurrencies Bitcoin and Ethereum. With the white paper "temporarily removed" for "updating," the unique features and use-cases of FoodCoin are a mystery. But if food really does need its own money, thank Heaven for FoodCoin.

The tokenized food craze also includes coffee.

CoffeeCoin (CFC) was launched in May 2014, but suffers from rather sleepy price performance. For specialty coffees, Rx Smart Coffee Inc. launched RXSC, a token for peer-to-peer distribution of proprietary its coffees like "Beautiful Mind," "Fresh Breeze" and a patent-pending, coffee-cannabis blend which enable customers to "drink[] [themselves] to health and wealth." Skeptics can visit their Instagram to get free samples!

Bananas have their own currency too.

Established by a "group of professionals who have more than 3 years of experience in producing bananas in Laos," BananaCoin is an "eco-friendly project" that decentralizes Lady Finger banana production. Tokens are "protected by the cost of one kilogram of bananas" by being "linked to the export value of bananas," allowing token-holders to exchange BananaCoins for dollars or delicious yellow fruit. "Don't miss this important event in the crypto-world," says BananaCoin's advertisement video.

Not wanting to miss out, I visited their website where I was greeted by a Russian chat bot that said, "Can I help you with Bananacoin project?"

Quickly disillusioned, I said, "No."

"Please, leave your email and we contact you asap [sic]," said the bot. I closed the window.

It could be "growing into a serious player in the Asian fruit market," but I won't bet too many FoodCoins on purchasing Chiquitas with BananaCoins anytime soon.

Now pause.

Few things in cryptocurrency have any shock value given the frequency of fantastically absurd happenings. But the following list of coins and tokens dedicated to food is nonetheless absurd and shocking.

Bread is tokenized.

And pizza. (Even futuristic pizzerias!)

And milk (a Russian project).

And potatoes.

And salt (another Russian token sale).

And candy (one token to mine them all).

And guacamole.

And beer. And beer again. Yes, even a third beer token.

That's just the beginning. A complete list would continue long after you decide to close your browser, forget all about cryptocurrency, and relish the green-printed paper in your back pocket.

You disagree? Read about Synthorn, the token for a synthetic aphrodisiac made from Rhinoceros horns.

But above this madness sits one coin: the token for America's favorite food.

In August 2017, Burger King Russia launched WhopperCoin without an ICO. (What is it with Russia and these food coins?) "Eating Whoppers now is a strategy for financial prosperity tomorrow," according to Ivan Shestov, head of external communications at Burger King Russia. "Once they gather 1,700 whoppercoins, a free burger awaits," says Market Watch.

To state the obvious, most of these food coins will never achieve mainstream adoption. Maybe a couple will, but probably none because they're These token and usually nothing more than cryptographic word salad dressed with hideous videos and no established need for creating a proprietary currency or blockchain. Since its launch, for example, the exchange value of Burger King's legendary "Blockchain Loyalty Program" has petered out.

If any of these food coins survive, however, I hope it's TacoCoin.

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